Task 2d Inquiry

What makes me enthusiastic in my daily practice? What do I love about what I do?

The endless possibilities of what could happen (this is also a worry sometimes), with children you just never know how they will react, even if you have already  done a similar activity in the past that was hit, does not mean it will be a hit second time around. The rollercoaster that is childhood, with there many traumatic tales; excitability and fussing, is a never ending source of mystery.
I get excited for that light bulb moment when what I have said has struck a chord and clicked into place whether that be for an academic purpose or emotional. I believe that the emotional state of a child is key to their academic development to be successful. Therefore, I believe it is important to educate children on the effects of their emotions and being aware of how they feel and being able to communicate that emotion is vital for their all round development. This is why I am really interested in mindfulness as it increases there awareness of what is happening to them when a shift in emotion takes place. Here is a link to a website about the effects of mindfulness in schools:

http://www.mindfulschools.org/about-mindfulness/research/

Considering who inspires me, it has to be the children, who better to learn how to educate from than the very individuals you wish to help. I feel this should be mutual, how can I hope to teach effectively if I don't inspire them to want to learn and improve.

What gets me angry?

When a child lets themselves down, in our school we have a few children who have behaviour problems stemming from emotional issues. It is heartbreaking to see them so worked up about a piece of work, when I know their hearts and minds are tormented by something from outside of school. One particular child really battles with their emotions to make the right choices, they strive to do the right thing but once one bad decision has been made they find it really hard to pull it back as they feel angry at themselves for letting their emotions take over. Now, I may not be able to fix their problems from outside of school but I can do my upmost to make them feel valued and important during school hours. However, sometimes they are so lost in their own head it has hard to reach them, this makes me angry and sad as I feel I have failed them in not making them feel supported.

Another thing that is increasingly bothering me, the endless changes that are being made around school to try and fix issues. Instead of stripping back systems before a new one is implemented, more and more are being layered on top. This is leading myself and other staff members to feel confused when trying to implement rules, this in turn leads the children to have less and less respect for authority as nothing is consistent.

What do I feel I don't understand?

Having changed careers, I am very new to the academic surroundings of a school in the role of educator. Consequently there are many things I don't understand. I was hoping to undertake more training when starting the job, but it seems I have been left to learn as I go. This can be a good thing, in the way that I am figuring out what techniques work for me, instead of following someone else's method. I do observe other teachers and assistants around the school to develop my practice and adopt ways to enhance it. I also observe to take note of methods I do not wish to adopt into my practice. On the other hand, I would appreciate some concrete guidance on what is expected of me: am I doing enough? could I be more effective in my teaching and use of time?

A major thing that I am questioning is whether this job is right for me to develop my practice around or are my current skills and methods of practice better suited elsewhere. The main reason for these recurring thoughts are that I am leaving work more and more often with a frantic or stressed emotional state. Now, don't get me wrong, I am all for the pressures of the job and being challenged but I should feel drained because I have worked hard to achieve something and not emotionally drained. Sometimes, I get to lunch and feel as if I have done an entire day. I do feel this is partially down to the location of my school and the types of students who attend but also due to the way the school is ran. I have decided not to renew my contract at the end of the year if this feeling continues as life is too short to dread going to work everyday. I will however, try another school in a different catchment area before I decided whether it is or is not meant for me.

How do you decide the appropriate ethical response in a given situation?

This is a battle I have numerous times in a day. Working with children there are many circumstances that make my brain go into quick think, risk assessment mode. There are children with emotional issues in my class who ask for a hug multiple times in a day. The policy is that I can give them a hug if they initiate it. It is usually the same children that come every day to receive a hug after most sessions, there have been times where I will have opened my arms ready, knowing what they are sneaking over to me for, I then realise this appears that I have initiated it, so make some remark about them always coming over for a hug!  On other occasions my brain goes into immediate spy mode. Spy mode? In a school? YES! Children are very clever and know a lot more these days than they should. For instance, one child  scratched herself and told the head teacher that I did it to her. Luckily for me the head teacher knows my character and the child in questions character and hasn't even acknowledged the accusation.

In conclusion, whilst developing my practice and more importantly, learning about my practice I am on a rollercoaster where at the peaks I feel I have made a difference and take a mental note of all the things that were successfull and all of the things that didn't work. Then at the depths, I am questioning my abilities and feeling pretty useless. I guess this is how it will be until I have gained more experience, I will not quit anything until i have exhausted the possibilities. Let's face it every challenge makes us stronger, every sad moment leads us to joy.